I Hate Mornings

Mothers have always known. I suppose they must have learnt their lesson back in the days of free festivals and free love. But what is the reasoning behind this warning? Are musicians really that bad? Let’s investigate…

h3. Musicians don’t have a plan

Ok. That’s not true. Musicians all have a plan. Most musicians have hundreds of plans. But not the kind plan a girlfriend is looking for. The girlfriend wants something like:

* Work hard at your music
* Become the best, succeed
* Support wife and children

The musician’s plan is more like:

* Play local venue until famous
* Be famous, meet legendary musicians
* Um…

Musicians may never believe it, but the girlfriend plan is the one that works. Good ol’ hard work.

h3. Musicians are selfish

_The Musician_ belongs to a group of people whose time and energy is largely taken up by their passion. _The Artist_ more generally, and _The Sportsman_ are in the same boat. _The Academic_ is in a different boat, but sailing nearby.

Take your average muso. He spends two or three evenings a week rehearsing or gigging. He spends his free time with his friends, who are generally his band-mates. He puts aside random days to make badges, stuff envelopes with hand-printed demos and watch videos of himself performing. He goes into the studio for the odd week, and spends ninety per cent of his time playing table football, watching videos and getting stoned.

So he’s selfish with his time, but what about his mind? What does this beautiful, creative creature think about all day? Well… He writes songs. In his head. All the time. Even when he’s talking to you. He hears references and structures and moments of genius is any background noise. He reads about music. He watches TV shows about music. He talks about music. All the time.

h3. Musicians are stupid

There are several different types of intelligence, and musicians’ brains usually have quite an awkward balance.

Often, they have a very tactile, technical, methodical, systematic sort of intelligence. They are able to learn complicated riffs, scales and techniques with ease, and talk at length about the relative benefits of Strats and Teles, or bebop and swing, or Bowie and The Band.

Sometimes they have a more creative, artistic intelligence, and can write beautiful lyrics and compose breathtaking melodies. Their songs have an emotional intelligence that seems to be the indicator of a potential mate…

But wait. This intelligence, whether it is emotional, intellectual or creative, is directed inwards. It’s all about the music. The kind of people who are truly musicians are the kind of people who don’t turn their attention outside much. They don’t care for the intricacies of international politics, or the complex web of emotional paranoia happening around them, even if they understand it.

Musicians aren’t really stupid. But they can seem like they are.

h3. So what’s the problem?

Musicians may be vacuous idiots, but they can create one of the purest forms of entertainment, some of the most beautiful works of art, and some of the most exhilarating and engaging experiences in life.

It’s a trade-off. They aren’t the best dates. But they aren’t that bad.